ESQUEEZY EXPLAINS IT ALL

THATS RIGHT BITCHES...

2011-10-04T06:54:00.001-07:00

AND WHEN I FELL ON THE FLOOR I DRANK MORE

2011-01-31T13:06:00.000-08:00

Alcohol. All so cool. Mans best friend if he doesn’t have a dog.
If you’re not drinking you feel stupid, stiff, unable to communicate. Your efforts at sober dance moves makes you look like an ironing board dressed in evening wear…the fool that wouldn’t even be allowed on the plane.

Why do we do this? Why do we go out and give our hard earned wages to people pouring drinks that cost a lot less than to make than we’re paying, only to drink them out of flimsy plastic glasses? Not even the strong plastic ones like on British Airways aeroplanes but the shit flimsy ones they have on Ryan-Air or at lary nightclubs.

Remind me again.

We're getting intoxicated!

HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH

2011-01-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

All those days, those drug filled ways and you like the recess, someone to ease a life of excess. Chocolate milkshake, maybe to you I am a mistake. Hold onto my heart, go back to the start, all you have left is memories and a reminder you were never his.

#WEIRDGARMS

2011-01-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

#inappropriategarms

------------------------------------
IMPROMPTU JLS CUSS SECTION

#NOGARMS >>>

------------------------------------

Pigeons in the pants..real life #weirdgarms

'Australian Customs has foiled a Melbourne man's attempt to strap smuggle two live pigeons to his legs and smuggle them from Dubai.

Customs officers took the 23-year-old aside while examining his luggage at Melbourne Airport on Sunday and found he was wearing tights with a live pigeon concealed in each leg.

He was also carrying two bird eggs, plant seeds and had several undeclared eggplants in his luggage.'

Yuh dun know

#weirdgarms

RAMPIN SHOP

2011-01-04T12:34:00.001-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM ESQUIZZLE.

Truly filthy.

GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY

2010-12-19T09:06:00.000-08:00

Got her toes done up with the fingernails matchin.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2010-12-19T04:07:00.001-08:00

love ESQUEEZY.

1,000 HELPINGS OF PUM PUM PUDDY

2010-12-03T16:37:00.000-08:00

STYLO

2010-12-01T12:35:00.001-08:00

NEVER A FLAW

2010-11-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

Unbeatable.

MANCHESTER TART

2010-11-22T12:18:00.000-08:00

LIL MINAJ

2010-11-22T10:47:00.000-08:00

I'M A VERY FREAKY GIRL. VERY FREAKY GIRL GIRL.

POOCHIE

2010-11-22T10:37:00.000-08:00

You aint nothin but a poochie mama. Hood rat hood rat poochie mama.

YOLANDI

2010-11-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

GOLD TEEF MOTHERFUCKA.

OH HAI

2010-11-16T12:04:00.000-08:00

IT'S ME...JACKIE

LUDA DOLL REVISITED

2010-11-16T10:57:00.001-08:00

Remember a few hundred pointless posts ago I harked about Ludacris looking like a Ken Doll? MEGA LOLZ.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-11-16T10:49:00.001-08:00

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-11-01T13:53:00.001-07:00

Feds on Segways.

I'M QUAKING IN MY BOOTS.

LIL KIM STAY ON YOUR BRAIN

2010-10-27T12:16:00.001-07:00

DID SOMEBODY SAY HALLOWEEN?

STILL THE PRINCESS OF THE A

2010-10-24T14:44:00.001-07:00

CIARA UH HUHHHHHHHHH.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-10-20T13:48:00.001-07:00

HI MOM.

LET ME GET FREAKY TONIGHT

2010-10-16T10:24:00.000-07:00

Who wants to get royally fucked up tonight?

EAT MY BEAT PRESENTS

Saturday 16th October

BOK BOK (Night Slugs)
Oldboy
Oscar Wildstyle

£4 advance (Gaffs/Piccadilly records/Skiddle)

11pm-3am
The Roadhouse, Newton Street, Manchester

£2 beers
£3 double and mixer
£1.50 shots

GUILTY PLEASURE

2010-10-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

I keep listenining to this slyly on full volume and hoping everyone who walks by thinks its my scally neighbours stereo.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-10-13T10:05:00.001-07:00

IT'S BEEN A HARD DAYS NIGHT.

LIL BEAT

2010-10-13T09:54:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE FUCK LIL KIM! Errbody put your fucking lighters down...seems Kimmie's got MJ syndrome.

I used to love you back in the OG days. Not quite sure where our relationship stands now. You've changed. Kim girl you've got a lot of making up to do and quite frankly, chocolates just won't cut it.

IN THE CITAAAAY

2010-10-12T10:51:00.000-07:00

I'm at this bad-boy on Friday night and probably playing some high quality tunes at some point in the evening. Come join me.

FRIDAY 15TH OCTOBER 2010
----------------------
MURKAGE IN THE CITY @ NIGHT & DAY CAFE
----------------------
DEVLIN (LIVE)
http://www.myspace.com/officialdevlin
LADY CHANN (LIVE)
http://www.myspace.com/ladychann
ED SHEERAN (LIVE)
http://www.myspace.com/edsheeran
SEROCEE (SELF-HOSTED SET)
http://www.serocee.com/
SMUTLEE (RADIO 1/KISS FM/YOYO) http://www.mixcloud.com/smutlee/
HEAVY FEET (STAMP! BEATS/PLANT MUSIC) http://heavyfeetmusic.com/
BUBBZ & THE BLACK NOTEZ (LIVE) http://www.myspace.com/bubbzmusic
MURKAGE (LIVE) http://www.facebook.com/pages/Murkage/137752522936160?ref=search

‘MURKAGE In The City’ in association with Boxfresh
=====================
=====================
An In The City Festival Event
FRIDAY @
NIGHT & DAY CAFÉ
No. 26 Oldham Street
Northern Quarter
Manchester
M1 1JN
======================
======================
DUBSTEP / HOUSE / HIPHOP / ELECTRO / DRUM&BASS / JUNGLE / UK GARAGE / UK FUNKY / 90s URBAN / BASHMENT / GRIME & SLOW JAMZ

HOSTED BY MEMBERS OF MURKAGE
======================
======================
TICKET DETAILS TBD
7.30pm-3am

TURN MY SEX ON

2010-10-11T13:25:00.000-07:00

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-10-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

WHO SAID WHITE BOYS CAN'T JUMP?

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-10-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

Real babes eat sauerkraut.

BAG LADY

2010-10-01T13:23:00.000-07:00

Hey it's me. The lady in the club with 15 handbags.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-10-01T10:04:00.001-07:00

ELATED

2010-09-28T10:34:00.000-07:00

TOP 5 KEYWORD SEARCHES FOR EXQUEEZY EXPLAINS IT ALL

1. yo-landi visser

2. esquezy

3. im so fucken dum i wear dimonds on my thumb

4. joakim "fantômes" (2003) mediafire

5. pictures of woman crackheads

Keep it up guys, I'm impressed...especially by the last one.

FREJA

2010-09-28T10:28:00.000-07:00

TAKE ME I'M YOURS!

GIRL CRUSH

2010-09-25T14:28:00.000-07:00

CIARA UH HUHHHHHH.

POPEYE SCULPTURE

2010-09-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

Jeff Koons “Popeye Sculpture” Exhibition @ Galerie Jerome De Noirmont

Used to love those inflatable beach toys when I was a wee nipper.

Ice cream and sand and sea and swimming pool and chlorine in my eyes.

5 PANEL FLEX

2010-09-19T14:31:00.001-07:00

YUMMY.

BOUNCE DAT ASS

2010-09-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

REMEMBER THIS!!!!!! Back int day this tune opened a oppurtunity to spin a slight booty bounce track to a bunch of spazzy indie scenesters in tight jeans. Just because it was Justice. Sigh.

What happened to those guys anyway?

On The Buttons - On the couch with Swindle

2010-09-14T06:22:00.000-07:00

Goldielocks chats to producer Swindle at 'On The Buttons'. We featured him in the last issue of SuperSuper, and the guy is definitely a one to watch if your ears like a little step off the beaten track when it comes to music.

HI AGAIN

2010-09-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

I decided to un-delete my blog. I couldn't deal with not having an outlet for all the fucked up shit nobody else will let me publish online. Who else would let me post a photo of a kid face planting on a slippy slide?

Exactly.

CE SOIR - JOAKIM

2010-05-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight at the Roadhouse, TEAM CO YO present the one and only indie/disco/electro machine JOAKIM!

==========================================================================

Ahead of our summer of rumbles we’re jumping into bed with the irresistible NOW WAVE to bring a very special guest dj from the bonkers Gaelic disco machine JOAKIM, as part of the Tiger Sushi 10 Year Anniversary tour. Cunningly situated as an after party for the LCD Soundsystem show, JOAKIM will be taking to the decks treating us to some of his epic back catalogue of original works, remixes and re-edits, alongside a barrage of treasure from the depths of his record collection.

“Joakim is hard to pin down: part club music, part jazz, part electronic experimentalism.

One of France’s foremost electronic musicians, Joakm has a background in classical music, US & UK indie rock and jazz. He discovered electronic music after a schoolfriend left his synthetiser in Joakim's room, later latching onto indie and electronic labels such as Warp and Mo Wax. His first album ‘Tiger Sushi’ was ambient electro-jazz, before he moved onto electronics with ‘Fantômes’ [2003], and later ‘Monsters and Silly Songs’ [2007], on which he combines post-rock, disco, electronics and, well, silly songs. "Making a pure dance album would almost be like composing an album entirely in F major,” says Joakim. “I jump from one idea to the next. I simply have to try everything and see where it leads." - Resident Advisor

Joakim has always stretched the boundaries of electronic music and constantly come up with some of the biggest tracks that we’ve had the joy to play… Notable mentions have to go to “I Wish You Were Gone”, “Come Into My Kitchen” and “Drumtrax” plus his massive remixes of Dj Mehdi’s “Pocket Piano” and Friendly Fires’ “On Board”.

Support comes in the form of Resident Disco Jockeys from both nights stepping toe to toe dishing out the finest audio treasure!
SATURDAY 1ST MAY 2010
11:00 till 3:00 at the Roadhouse, Manchester
£6 Advance / More On The Door

ADVANCE TICKETS:

SKIDDLE: http://www.skiddle.com/events/11366083/
SEE TICKETS: http://seetickets.com/see/event.asp?e%7Cartist=JOAKIM+DJ+SET&n%7Cartist=null&resultsperpage=20&filler1=see&filler2=art-srch&orderby=date,time
TICKETLINE: http://www.ticketline.co.uk/search/siteSearch?artist=JOAKIM&venue=venue+%2F+location&commit=Go

Or in person from PICCADILLY RECORDS

***********************************************
Electro / Acid / Techno / Cosmic / Bass / Rave
***********************************************

Dress to Sweat - Dance to Death

WEB: http://www.contortyourself.com
MYSPACE: http://www.myspace.com/contortyourself
FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=11776386534
TWITTER: http://www/twitter.com/contortyourself
MIXES: http://www.soundcloud.com/contortyourself
PODCAST: http://tiny.cc/cycast
TICKETS: http://tiny.cc/cytix

CENTAUR STYLE!

2010-03-25T11:43:00.001-07:00

RX - Bumble from Nightshifters on Vimeo.

Hahahaha. This video by Bad American for Rx's new EP 'Bumble' on Nightshifters is AMAZING. I'm in the Rage Cage checkin' out Homer Simpson's cock'n'ballz while someone gets it Centaur Style.

RU HOT YET?

NO SHAKING

2010-03-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

Esqueezy gun be getting up in 'yo grill at The Corner playing the finest afrobeat, baile funk and tropical cuts of right now and way back when for NO SHAKING. Tomorrow night at The Corner in Fallowfield, Manchester. Booty shaking contest and free cupcakes. If you miss this then you're stupid in the nostril.

Oh and also rolling out pure 90s hip hop and R&B at this beauty on Saturday. Expect to hear all the tunes that I DIDN'T get to dance along to with the hot boys in high school. I did the sweet stand instead...y'know back in the days when a bag of foam shrimps and fizzy cola bottles was all you needed to keep up your rave and dutty wine all night long.

Well until curfew at least...which was way before 10pm.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-03-19T08:26:00.000-07:00

Oh my god is this a man or a woman? Hangin' in the ghetto with your perfect titties, holding a Gucci bucket hat wearing what looks like a flag around your crotch...oh and your mate lurking in the background wearing a tall tee and Timbs. Heroes.

And then I saw it was taken on my birthday...(minus the '03 of course, I'm not seven years old). Even better. Can we be soulmates now?

BANGERS AND MASHED UP

2010-03-19T06:46:00.000-07:00

So far, 2010 has been a HUGE year for the dancefloor. The bangers are EVERYWHERE. I mean, Tinie Tempah was number one without having to water his music down so much that it almost evaporates (see recent work of Chipmunk/Tinchy Stryder). And now Trouble & Bass come through with a wrecking ball, in the form of Heavy Bass Champions of the World Vol 2. Featuring tracks from the UK's own Boogaloo Crew, these straight up bangers will pretty much flatten the club. You'll still be dancing whilst the rafters are coming down. The standout is 'Days Go By' and the flipside, 'Calling All Dancers', has this crazy calypso lick and must be what dubstep would sound like it if was doused in Ting.

I'm a bit late on blogging this as Heavy Bass Champions of the World 2 dropped on Monday...so get copping! You can also catch Boogaloo Crew in Manchester alongside TRG, Monday March 22nd at Area 51 for Chunky's Hit & Run birthday spectacular. Getttt in.

Esqueezy

BLAME

2010-03-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

Drum and bass is wicked yo! Just wanna rock some hemp lip balm, do my one funk skank special and pretend I'm not a priveleged child....I'm kidding! Go forth and check out my interview with Blame on liquid/intelligent drum and bass for Super Super over at the BOOK OF MURKAGE and I promise I won't call you a smelly hippy again.

NO NO NO YOU CAN GO GO GO

2010-03-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

Yet more dreams of Gucci Mane...what would CLew say?

I think tomorrow I might go buy her a mink...

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-03-08T16:43:00.001-08:00

"Yeah yeah, I'll be out soon. I'm just snacking".

MISHKA LOVELIES....

2010-03-08T16:40:00.001-08:00

I love key toppers. Ok, so they're just little pieces of rubber and something you can 101% live without but if you've ever opened doors agressively then you'll know...they protect your lil fingers from danger and look pretty fucking cool.

These just take the biscuit though. Really, they're amazing.

Via Mishka Bloglin.

YO-LANDI VISSER

2010-03-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yo-Landi Vi$$er of Die Antwoord...GIRL CRUSH OF THE WEEK!

CE SOIR...

2010-03-06T07:18:00.000-08:00

Come throw some shapes at the Rave Cave ce soir with Rich Reason (Hit & Run), Oscar Wildstyle (Sex With Robots), The Oldboy & Jim Da Mentalist (Eat My Beat/Gash), Natalie Esquire (Copson Street/Murkage), Wonky Ninja (Banana) and the Residents Squad. Expect to hear some big 'n' bashy bass and jackin house thru da speakerboxxxxx.

A la Roadhouse, Newton Street, Manchester from 11 in the pm to 3 in the am.
Cheap cheap cheap.

MANS MOVING LIKE THEY'RE BIGGER THAN BEN

2010-03-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

Grime is back, and its angry. There's more MC beef flying around these days than eating ten consecutive Sunday roasts...and you know thats a lot! Just get on Twitter and Wiley's playing big daddg grime...merkin the competition and slewing the youngers. Then we got Jammer telling Bizzle he's bumped uglies with his ma and they're having a baby called Jahbizzle. Full on, overly raw public verbal batterings...and Jammer's new tune is no exception. Forget the funky-esque, happy champagne dance vibez of Party Animal...because this ones going in deep.

LAYDEEZ NIGHT

2010-03-02T12:11:00.000-08:00

Come join the COPSON STREET fam at Murkage for a female she-bang bang. It's going to be like Royal Ascot Ladies Day but with fitteds and snap-backs instead of those stupid ornamental wedding hats and lots of bass and cheap booze instead of horses, 'break-the-bank' champers and 4ft jockeys with small man syndrome and mash up grillz.

All lady line-up so we're backing it hard, including:
MARY ANNE HOBBS (RADIO ONE)
GOLDIELOCKS (LIVE)
ENVY (MANCHESTER'S FAVOURITE FEMCEE)
DUTTY GIRL (BRISTOL BASED ALL DANCING/ALL SINGING WRECKING CREW)
NATALIE ESQUIRE (COPSON STREET'S FOUL MOUTHED SWEETHEART)
DIZZIETRON (DON OF THE BOOTY SHAKING DANCE)

All going down at No.1 Club, Central Street...there's cheap drinks and nuff bump 'n' grind if you wants it.

And if that ain't enough for you, Contort Yourself is holding a Megamix this coming Saturday. By now you should know the rules of the game. DJ steps up to the wheels of steel for half an hour of pure rave devestation and you all dance like there's no tomorrow. Gracing the CoYo stage this weekend are:
RICH REASON (HIT & RUN'S HEAD HONCHO)
THE OLDBOY & JIM DA MENTALIST (EAT MY BEAT)
OSCAR WILDSTYLE (SEX WITH ROBOTZ)
WONKY NINJA (BANANA)
& RESIDENT DJ'S

This Saturday (6th March) at The Roadhouse, Newton Street, Manchizzle. Cheap before 11:30pm.

Are you stupid in the nose?

ROGER DAT

2010-03-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

It's been a long and extended weekend. A Thursday to Monday ting. Some gypsy girl tried to fight me ('travellers oath') then asked me to take her to an illegal rave (?!). I drank shit loads of beer. I was in great company and I shouted, I screamed and chat a lot of shit. I danced, I bogled, I took it low but I didn't daggggga. I did it all and now all I wanna do is take a trip on Minaj Air

PHOTO OF THE DAY

2010-02-17T13:00:00.000-08:00

Judaism's got your back. SHALOM!

HEAVY BASS CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD

2010-02-16T10:23:00.001-08:00

Definitely an understatement on the Trouble & Bass crew. These guys are Heavy Bass Champions Of The Universe & Beyond. Volume One of this stellar heavy bass bangerz series sees past Murkage guest and all-round favourite smooth talking, gold toothed badman DJ/producer release the overly peng 'Doomsday Device'. This shit is gonna make you flip out.

Go cop it HERE

NEW MONEY!

2010-02-12T13:41:00.000-08:00

Damn I hate the Noveaux Riche. Working class munters like Katie Price get their filthy hands on a bit of paper and all of a sudden they're buying a very big house in the county, multiple Beamers and turning their two year old daughters into baby Barbies...She's caked in lipgloss, eyeshadow, foundation and FAKE EYELASHES for god sake!

Is Jordan after making Tiaamii the UK's answer to Suri Cruise?

Well maybe the trailer trash version of her...

IS THE WORLD GOING MAD ?!

GIRLZ GIRLZ GIRLZZZZ

2010-02-11T07:07:00.000-08:00

Who are your FUTURE SUPERHEROES? Mine are 5 fine females in the music game -Goldielocks, Star Eyes, Jubilee, Gina Turner and Cooly G. I'm dragging Girl Power kicking and screaming into the Teenies, and away from Geri's union jack disaster dress. Much more tasteful.

Check out my article for Double Magazine here on pages 18-21. Also, some Star Eyes hype over at the wonderful T&B site.

Big love!

JONNY DUB

2010-02-11T06:48:00.000-08:00

One half of Hoya Hoya and one of my favourite Manchester promoters, it's Jonny Dub! He's been cooking up a mix of some heavy, dubby bangers...including tracks by Zinc, Sully, Hud Mo, Rustie and Biggie!
Download it here HERE and get your fine self down to Hoya Hoya to see BRACKLES and Floating Points on the February 27th at The Roadhouse.

IF YOU FUCKING WITH ME

2010-02-02T07:18:00.000-08:00

Lovin' Minaj lezzin out on this one. Must be the first time I've listened to a Usher song since crushin' on him in Year 6.

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

2010-02-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

Luda, you are officially back in the game. This video is what me and Emily looked like on the dancefloor at Fabric when we got trashed on mini bottles of Moet.

EYE CANDY

2010-01-27T13:52:00.001-08:00

This body by summer please.

DOUBLE DARE

2010-01-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

Check Brooklyn's Bass Sweetheart, Juiblee and her Nightshifters labelmate Proper Villains on this Roxy Cottontail remix over at RCRDLBL here!

GNARLY SLEEPS

2010-01-25T10:58:00.001-08:00

WANT ONE. Would be great to zip it up on a camping trip in the forest. Your campmates might actually shit themselves.

O RLY PART II

2010-01-25T07:36:00.001-08:00

O RLY?

BOK BOK AND L-VIS

2010-01-24T15:01:00.000-08:00

A wee vid from XLR8R featuring Night Slugs head honchos Bok Bok and L-Vis 1990 take on a UK vs. US taste test. Do they know their PG Tips from their Lipton? Their Mars from their Milky Way....their Newky Brown from their Downtown Brown? Jokes.

BACON IS GOOD FOR ME!

2010-01-23T17:33:00.001-08:00

TELL 'EM KING CURTIS!

MARRIED TO THE MOB 2010

2010-01-20T13:40:00.000-08:00

My favourite bits from MOB's new line.

FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRESH and super sexy. Someone bring me the lipstick logo leggings! And this model has definitely inspired me to get my blocky fringe back. Yamooosh!

DRUNKEST GUY EVER

2010-01-17T13:46:00.001-08:00

So you wanna know whether I had a good weekend?

It was like that.

NAUGHTY

2010-01-15T14:21:00.001-08:00

Nikki Minaj. DOWN ASS BITCH! Loves it.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

2010-01-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

I'm flexing my versatility muscle on this one. I wanted to make a mix full of exotic bass as extreme escapism from the snow and I'm sure you'll agree that dubstep doesn't really do that. Pour yourself a glass of rum, turn the heating up high, close your eyes and use your imagination to dagga along to it with your number one squeeze. It kinda works.

Esqueezy's '99.9% Dubstep Free' Mix by ESQUEEZY

1. Riva Starr feat. Trim - Dance Me (Jesse Rose's 'Made In St. Lucia' Remix)
2. Tony Matterhorn - Dutty Wine (Douster Remix)
3. French Fries - Coconut
4. Sissy Nobby - Lay Me Down (DJ Sega Remix)
5. Noveau Yorican - Boriqua (Jean Nipon Bootleg)
6. Sidney Samson feat. Wizard Sleeve - Riverside (Lil Silva Remix)
7. Uffie - MCs Can Kiss (Zombie Disco Squad Remix)
8. Ladybox - Hit My Ride (AC Slater Remix)
9. Untold - Don't Know. Don't Care

Enjoy!

FOR ALL YOU RICH TECH TYPES

2010-01-14T09:13:00.003-08:00

Marc Jacobs presents his new USB hub...

Shame I'm absolutely skint.

IT WOULD BE NICE...

2010-01-12T09:04:00.000-08:00

to be back in New York.

I went to a Flashing Lights rave in a Chinese mall and drank vodka red bull from a zippy bag. I ate cheese sticks and chicken rings from White Castle at 3am and washed it all down with Root Beer. I threw Hawaiian Punch all over the subway rats. It was awesome.

Summertime get ready for me.

YOUTH IN REVOLT!

2010-01-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

So everybody's favourite socially retarded screenstar, Michael Cera, is back this year with a new flick. I can't wait, mainly because that crazed dude who plays Alan in The Hangover is in it.

There are other factors that spur my obsession for these awkward teen love/angst movies. One, I love to watch squirming virgins trying to score weed/booze/a lay (think Superbad) and two, these guys are blatantly as geeky off screen as they are on.

She is so cleary being suffocated by raging testosterone and sexual tension.

GRANNY GOLD!

2010-01-11T16:01:00.000-08:00

Big up to the Deyn for finding this one!

There is something seriously wrong about grannies saying 'C-U-Next-Tuesday'. I WILL MASH YOU UP YE!! DON'T YOU TOUCH ME, YOU MIGHT AIDS YOU LITTLE PUSSYCLART! A day in the life of a Croydon pensioner?

JAPANESE DANCEHALL?

2010-01-11T15:43:00.001-08:00

Now thats just fucking bizarre.

CHANEL CHANEL

2010-01-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

High end temporary tats by Chanel! Much jokes. My momma never let me wear transfers as a kid because she said they might have LSD in them to purposefully get me hooked. Fuck knows where she got that idea from...

(Via those sistaz over at the MOB blog

ELEVATOR MUSIC VOLUME ONE

2010-01-10T17:11:00.000-08:00

The face of bass is changing fast!

I've become one of those folks who only buys single tracks off albums and EPs here and there. Cop a remix I like and bun the rest off, yadda yadda you get my vibe. But when this drops on 18th January I'm straight up buying it. It features contributions from Hot City, Caspa & Rusko, Untold, Starkey, Mosca...and dayyym I adore the 'new sound'. Dubstep has finally moved its fat ass over the bed and stopped duvet hogging to sanction a new sound in bass music.

The producers on this compilation were once firing out aggy tunes to a bunch of steppahs clutching cans of Red Stripe...now they've found a footing with more danceable music. There's elements of rave in there, garage, deep house...shit you can shake your ass to. With the way people were swaying like cracked out zombies at these sub-bass raves I'm sure this new movement will be welcomed with open arms.

DADDDDDDDDDDDY!

2010-01-10T10:47:00.001-08:00

I WANT THOSE BOOTS!
Dr Martens 8 Eyelet Hiker Boots. TRES SEXY.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

2010-01-08T05:09:00.000-08:00

CASIO G SHOCK TIME!!!!

Sourced from the Hypebeast.

PUMPING IRON

2010-01-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

This flyer is so up my street.

Nu-Cosmic-Italo-Disco- Lo-Fi-Rhytmic-Punk-Funk

9PM THE CORNER,FALLOWFIELD MANCHESTER

ESQUEEZY DUN DID IT AGAIN!

2010-01-06T13:05:00.000-08:00

Threw this old thing together last year. It's pretty funny. Purple vs. Crunk..YYYYYEEEASSS. And if you want a hot 320 on this bitch then I will give it cha.

What Ya Gon Do (Joker x Lil Jon) by ESQUEEZY

I WONDER....

2010-01-06T06:56:00.000-08:00

..if Lady Sovereign ever imagined herself to end up in the Big Brother House having Sisqo firing paintballs at her from his crotch?!

SNO' JOKE

2010-01-05T15:45:00.001-08:00

>

Scott Yeah of Team Yeah and Contort Yourself fame keeps it topical with a Snowblind mix! If you stray more towards the house, techno and electro side of life then this mix is for you.

All the fresh tracks from your jackin' house favourites like Claude Von Stroke, Riva Starr, Laidback Luke and Boys Noize.

D/L via Soundcloud and enjoy!

TEAM YEAH SNOWBLIND MIX Jan 2010 by Scott Yeah

TRACKLIST
1. Hieb - Jackpot
2. Funk D - Get Mad (Kid Kaio remix)
3. The Funktuary - Wip Electric (Hot City remix)
4. Riva Starr - I Was Drunk (Prentension mix)
5. Youngsta - Bongo (Dubbel Dutch edit)
6. Claude Von Stroke - Chimps (Trevor Loveys mix)
7. Yello - Bostich (Bowski edit)
8. Curses! - The Deep End (Holy Ghost! Day School dub)
9. D.I.M. - Noize
10. Nas - Made You Look (Laidback Luke's bootleg mix)
11. Thomas Bangalter - Outrun
12. Boys Noize - Drummer
13. Friendly Fires - On Board (Joakim remix)

THE OLDBOY!

2010-01-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

Christmas is only just over and 2010 just begun, and already you're getting inundated with ridiculously good stuff like this New Year mix from Manchester's professional party boy and DJ, The Oldboy.

This mix is jam packed full of bassy beats and garagey treats so I guess you'd be a fool to not download it while its hot and fresh outta the oven!

OLDBOY - January 2K10 Mix by Oldboy

1- Wiley Feat. Emeli Sandé - Never Be Your Woman
(Solo 'Loves Garage' Remix)
2- Momma's Boy - I'm Down
3- Joy Orbison - BRKLN CLLN
4- Boris Dlugosch - Bangkok (Roska Remix)
5- Crystal Fighters - I Love London (Qoso Remix)
6- Green Velvet - Flash
7- The Toxic Avenger - The Fall (Switch Remix)
8- Beezy - Day In The Life (L-Vis 1990 Remix)
9- Gabriel Ananda - Doppelwhipper
10- Sisters of Transistors - Solar Disco (Untold Remix)
11- Sissy Nobby - Lay Me Down (L-Vis 1990 Remix)
12- Sissy Nobby - Lay Me Down (Renaissance Man Remix)
13- Uffie - MCs Can Kiss (Zombie Disco Squad Remix)
14- Mowgli - Nu Skool
15- Will Bailey - Hit The Club (Sidney Samson Remix)
16- Gucci Vump - Sha, Shtill
17- Noob & Brodinski - Cajou Club
18- Miike Snow - Black & Blue (Tiga Remix)
19- Boys Noize - Jeffer (Modeselektor Remix)
20- Drop The Lime - Devil's Eyes (Diplo's B-Live Mix)
21- Florence & The Machine - You Got The Love
(XX Remix Renaissance Man Edit)
22- Zed Bias - Neighbourhood (El-B Remix)
23- Roy Davis Jr - Gabriel
24- SWV - Wots Goin' On (Wookie Remix)
25- Crookers ft. Kelis - No Security (Tomb Crew Remix)
26- Datsik - Nuke 'Em27- Uzul Prod - Rumble Inna Station (Skream Remix)

AFREEKA

2010-01-04T15:43:00.003-08:00

Lion King reworked for the dancefloor with a little bit of African dancing and kids shaking their junk. How incredible and visually pleasing!

TRAUMA

2010-01-03T14:18:00.001-08:00

of Celebrity Big Brother. Trying to erase it with a bit of Hud Mo.

Join me!

I'M SO FAR FROM ALL YOU CATS OUT THERE

2010-01-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to the game Uff. The Zombie Disco Squad remix of her upcoming single 'MCs Can Kiss' is a big room club banger thats bound to make a few people spin out on the New Year dancefloor. Ya 'erd.

GWWWWAAAN GRANDAD

2010-01-02T15:28:00.001-08:00

I love old people so much.

SHOW YER STRIPES

2010-01-02T15:13:00.001-08:00

Adidas were on fiyah in '09 with the Jezza Scott collaboration, and the recent union with PPQ has some sweet consequences.

I've seen this jumper and with that subtle rollneck it is effortlessly (and somewhat Conservative) Chic...

Man I'm loving this high class sportswear...and the hypnotic models they use for the campaigns. Yessir!

You can get these garms in the Manchester Arndale Adidas store. Most excellent!

MENAGE A TROIS?

2009-12-27T15:19:00.001-08:00

with Big Daddy Kane, Madonna and Naomi C.

I can imagine Madonna now..."Big Daddy K, why don't you take off your socks when you give to me?"

Not something that happens everyday...

GET TIPSY DRINK SOME WINE

2009-12-19T10:32:00.000-08:00

Just a little something I threw together on a rainy day.

Peanut Butter Hype by ESQUEEZY

FRANKIE B IN THE HOOOOOOUSE

2009-12-17T16:20:00.001-08:00

Oh Frankie your rolling R's have whipped me up in a right frenzy.

I'M SO FUCKING DUMB I WEAR DIAMONDS ON MY THUMBS

2009-12-14T15:47:00.000-08:00

Me and Gucci got married last night. We toasted all the speeches with crunk juice out of iced up goblets and then ate sugared almonds. He even took his grill out to kiss the bride. Man it was the weirdest dream ever.

You know these players don't really like taking G strings down south of an oiled booty. They just want someone who can keep the creases out of their tall white t-shirts and make 'em smell real nice.

And whilst we're speaking grills, does Bear Grylls know what his name actually means?

Bear Grylls?

Bare gnar grills.

HELLO GOD...

2009-12-14T15:30:00.001-08:00

IT'S ME MARGARET!
Wouldn't life be fucking fantastic if we could all wear fake Burberry scarves instead of clothes?

I'M LIKE AN ASTON MARTIN...HE'S LIKE A SUBARU

2009-12-07T12:17:00.001-08:00

I have been dancing in my pants and listening to this joint A LOT recently.

Available on Beatport and worth it like L'Oreal.

I'M MCLOVIN IT

2009-12-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Fogell, you could have been my respectable Jewish toyboy, but no you just had to take some crackhead to the movie premiere didn't you?!

YOU LOOK GOOD WHEN YOU WEAR IT WELL

2009-11-30T15:36:00.000-08:00

Oh my lovelies, some really nice Goodhood x R. Newbold garments over at SLAMXHYPE.

Not everybody knows that simplicity can be so fucking sexy. Take these retards who dress their 18 month old son in a Ed Hardy gilet sprayed with goddamn dimantes and emblazoned with a big loveheart & crossbones. When are they ever gonna learn?

All you need a cris chambray shirt and some pants like these:

A bag like this:

And maybe a nice bit of headwear from Gauntlets:

Oooof.

DROP THE BEAT & EAT IT!

2009-11-25T15:24:00.001-08:00

with some mustard on the side! The Oldboy plays matchmaker by bringing together Eat My Beat & Drop The Mustard for one night only, playing host to none other than A1 Bassline. Badda Badda Bing!

Friday 4th December, The Zoo. It'll be wobbly this Christmas!

ESQUEEZY ON THE 1'S & 2'S

2009-09-21T05:32:00.000-07:00

Esqueezy has slipped another residency under the belt, and will now be appearing on the regs at Contort Yourself. If you don't know, now you know. New Residents Mix Series out now, why not collect 'em all at contortyourself.com?

Here is Esqueezy's contribution...and is a little taster for what's in store at this coming Thursday nights Murkage party. Stream or download Soundcloud here.

Throwback Thursdays...

2009-09-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

FOUR HIP-HOP TRACKS FROM YESTERYEAR THAT'LL MAKE YOU WANNA MOVE SOMETHIN’...

JAY DEE – WON’T DO

Only Dilla could make bigamy sound so acceptable. ‘One won’t do and two is not enough for me though!’ Jay Dee is talking broads, multiple broads, and it’s like we’re pairs of Nike Air Max 90’s or limited edition New Era fitteds. One is simply not enough, and that treasured collection has just gotta be expanded! Something deep down just always challenges that ‘naughty boy’ image that Jay Dee attempted to put out there from time to time. In reality, I think he was a real momma’s boy who enjoyed home cooking and stroking kittens whilst making killer beats...but of course, it’s not hip-hop to admit that. He’s surely and sorely missed in the musical world, that’s for sure.

MED – CAN’T HOLD ON

This Medaphor tune is straight contagious. After the first listen I found myself skipping back to the beginning over and over until my thumb hurt.

MADVILLIAN – FANCY CLOWN

I can’t get over the subtle disgustingness of this track. It’s amazing. If you listen in carefully you will notice that Victor sprays some serious adultery hysteria (‘you wasn’t sorry when you sucked him off in the hallway’) and brags about revenge sex unashamedly (‘I duped the maid Carolyn, she made me throw the towel in...I told her knock it off, but she had to set the rocket off’) whilst still maintaining that rock solid lyrical prowess he is most rightfully famous for.

SAUKRATES – PLAY DIS (FEATURING COMMON)

It may just be some morbid personal fascination of mine, but I think of Common as the George Clooney of the hip-hop world. His voice just makes me swoon, and with that he can do nothing wrong. Therefore, I like pretty much everything Common does, but especially this track. It’s jus upbeat and happy. Common and Saukrates seem to bounce off each other nicely, and there’s some killer lines in there like ‘I like a Heineken it’s sorta like my vitamin’. Oh, how we all wished beer was a vitamin.

ESQUEEZY EXPLAINS IT ALL

THATS RIGHT BITCHES...

AND WHEN I FELL ON THE FLOOR I DRANK MORE

HIGH SCHOOL CRUSH

#WEIRDGARMS

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#weirdgarms

RAMPIN SHOP

GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY

MERRY CHRISTMAS

1,000 HELPINGS OF PUM PUM PUDDY

STYLO

NEVER A FLAW

MANCHESTER TART

LIL MINAJ

POOCHIE

YOLANDI

OH HAI

IT'S ME...JACKIE

LUDA DOLL REVISITED

PHOTO OF THE DAY

PHOTO OF THE DAY

I'M QUAKING IN MY BOOTS.

LIL KIM STAY ON YOUR BRAIN

DID SOMEBODY SAY HALLOWEEN?

STILL THE PRINCESS OF THE A

PHOTO OF THE DAY

HI MOM.

LET ME GET FREAKY TONIGHT

GUILTY PLEASURE

PHOTO OF THE DAY

LIL BEAT

IN THE CITAAAAY

TURN MY SEX ON

PHOTO OF THE DAY

PHOTO OF THE DAY

BAG LADY

PHOTO OF THE DAY

ELATED

FREJA

GIRL CRUSH

POPEYE SCULPTURE

5 PANEL FLEX

BOUNCE DAT ASS

On The Buttons - On the couch with Swindle

HI AGAIN

CE SOIR - JOAKIM

CENTAUR STYLE!

NO SHAKING

PHOTO OF THE DAY

BANGERS AND MASHED UP

BLAME

NO NO NO YOU CAN GO GO GO

PHOTO OF THE DAY

MISHKA LOVELIES....

YO-LANDI VISSER

CE SOIR...

MANS MOVING LIKE THEY'RE BIGGER THAN BEN

LAYDEEZ NIGHT

ROGER DAT

PHOTO OF THE DAY

HEAVY BASS CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD

NEW MONEY!

GIRLZ GIRLZ GIRLZZZZ

JONNY DUB

IF YOU FUCKING WITH ME

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

EYE CANDY

DOUBLE DARE

GNARLY SLEEPS

O RLY PART II

BOK BOK AND L-VIS

BACON IS GOOD FOR ME!

MARRIED TO THE MOB 2010

DRUNKEST GUY EVER

NAUGHTY

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

FOR ALL YOU RICH TECH TYPES

IT WOULD BE NICE...

YOUTH IN REVOLT!

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